Today was chemo for me, which makes it very hard for me to Un-Blog. I don’t know why it is that illness chokes me spiritually. Apparently, it is one of my opportunities, to learn how to rise above this obstacle too. I have often said that when we return to the presence of God, it will be through the flames, not around them.
When I was about eight years old, I had a night’s dream that repeated itself maybe a hundred times. It happened without interruption for months, just as I was awakening. It didn’t frighten me, it was just beyond my ken as a child. As a matter of fact, I remember laughing about it in my dream.
I asked my mother about it, and she told me it was a medical procedure that some people need when they have cancer. She said her father had the same thing when he died. I didn’t even know what cancer was, or a medical procedure. I continued to have the dream over and over.
Just the other day I was getting ready for bed, and looking at the very fine collection of scars on my body, when this childhood dream came back into my mind with perfect clarity. I hadn’t thought about it for 50 years.
The Spirit, without words, informed me “I gave you those dreams as a child so that when you arrived at this moment half a century later, you would remember and know that this is the correct path for your life. I showed you then so that you would know now that this is the right pathway for you to obtain all of the blessings you are seeking. This is not a series of errors. This is where you need to be.”
You see, I really have felt like I am sick now because of a few poor decisions, things I could not have known at the time, but still were stupid decisions. I felt like crying for a moment, not from sadness or loss, but for gratitude that Heavenly Father loves me so much, and knows my life so well, that he began almost at my birth to prepare me to receive this comfort in a moment of need.
Seeing and hearing this didn’t change the course of my life. It didn’t heal me, or give me more courage to continue, or more faith to accept the course of my life. It didn’t increase my determination or my willingness to walk His path no matter the cost. It just gave me peace – and it dramatically increased my reverence for His everlasting love; love that would reach out across the ages to set in motion a blessing that would take 50 years to mature. He wasn’t stopping a world war, or opening a new dispensation. He was telling me He loves me.
© August 2011, John M. Pontius, all rights reserved. Non-commercial reproduction permitted.