Something interesting happened today. I went in for a scheduled chemo infusion. I have been doing chemo for two years now, and it has done lots of damage to my body. I never actually feel good any more, and living this way has become too hard. I love my life, and I am far from depressed, but unrelenting pain and unending sickness becomes intolerable at some point.
I went in there with the intent of telling the doctor that I was not going to do chemo – today, or ever again. I was done with it, and I didn’t care what he said.
I never got around to saying it.
The doctor checked me over and said, “I think you need a break until next year. You’re doing well enough that I think it would help you physically and emotionally.” I was so relieved I had to really man-up to keep from crying.
The powerful part of this is that if I had demanded it, he would have acquiessed of course, but I would have been risking my life. When he proposed it, not only did I get the physical relief, but in my mind it now represents an acceptable course of action, and not an act of desperation and unacceptable risk.
I was prepared to argue, demand, and even walk out of his office, but the Spirit was with him, as it usually is I have to admit, and in another manifestation of God’s mysterious ways, I now believe I will have the time, and the energy to finish Spencer’s book. Previous to today, I just didn’t know how I could.
Praise to the Lord, again and again.