As most of you know I have been off of chemo for three months now. I insisted, and the doctor warned me that the cancer would come right back, and that I needed to stay on the chemo indefinitely, but it is no life I can choose to live. I’ve been on chemo for nearly two years. It’s just too hard and too devastating to continue any more. (And, yes I am doing everything natural the Spirit has led me to do. You are all so kind to share what you know about cancer. I’m not giving up.)
It has been a dramatic shift for my body. I just expected to slowly get better, but that didn’t happen. I think I was almost addicted to the chemo, because my body kept going through the same cycle even off of it. For three months my body has acted as if I had the treatments on schedule. It’s only been a week or so that I began to feel anything close to good, and the phantom chemo cycling has ended. Even still, the pain has steadily increased, and is even now much worse.
So, when I went in for a CT scan today, I was not anticipating good news. Maybe it’s just that it’s too hard to hope and then be thrust back into the waiting to die mode. So, when I got the call from the doctor I was actually amazed to hear that there is still “No visible cancer”.
I have to say, I’m pretty rugged emotionally, but I had to shed a tear or two, and a prayer or two of praise and gratitude.
I seem to still have work to do, and happily so.
Rejoice with me,